1. United States
2. N.J.
3. Letter

Good morning! I just wanted to catch you up on all the hot gossip around the water cooler. Or the fountain of Trump. Who knows? He renames things on the daily. Anyhoo- so Trump made the outrageous claim that his invasion of Iran was necessary in order to avoid WWIII. He fails to see the irony in what is actually occurring. You apparently can’t see it either. Perhaps you’ve missed a few episodes of the telenovela none of us even asked for, so lemme just catch you up. Netanyahu started blasting the crap out of Palestine and Trump said “wow- that guy is so cool. I wanna be that cool. His toys are awesome. I wanna play with awesome toys!” So he calls Israel and says “my folks won’t let me play with any cool toys, so can I come over and play with yours?” And Netanyahu says “bet!” So they join forces to commit total genocide on Gaza because it seems like fun to this villainous duo. Then Trump says “hey- you know what else might be fun? Blowing up little girls!” And Netanyahu’s all like “Hell ya!” So they do that next. And it’s so fun that they decide to keep going, but then Trump’s folks found out about the little girls, and Trump doesn’t want any accountability so he goes “yo! It wasn’t me! Iran did that!” But his folks had seen the video so they were like “you’re in big trouble mister,” so then he distracts them with all sorts of other shenanigans. He invites his friend Ukraine over but then he tells Ukraine “sorry I like Putin better,” so he tells Putin he can release his toys, and he makes it easier for him to play instead. Then his friend Putin said “ok, but I still want to beat up Ukraine,” and Trump says “go ahead- by all means!” And Trump goes back to destroying Iran. But Putin is friends with Iran, so now he is playing at war, too… and a bunch of other countries say “we don’t want to play with Trump and Netanyahu!” So Trump says “I don’t care- I’ll force other people like Cubans and Venezuelans to play with me instead!” And the next thing you know everyone is fighting and it’s… Oh. Damn. World War III. No? Get out of Iran. Leave Cuba alone. Leave Venezuela alone. Stop screwing with Ukraine. Tell Putin to go scratch. Be an American leader- and lead Americans back to the light.