1. United States
2. Fla.
3. Letter

I hope this letter finds you well-rested from another week of doing absolutely nothing to protect democracy. I was recently inspired by the management style of one of America’s most brilliant visionaries, Elon Musk, who has taken it upon himself to demand weekly accomplishments from federal employees under threat of termination. Given that we live in an era where billionaires dictate policy more effectively than elected officials, I thought it only fair to extend the same courtesy to you. Please submit the following by Monday: A bullet-point list of everything you accomplished this week to uphold democracy. Specific actions you took to safeguard the rights of your constituents. Any steps you’ve taken to prevent the country from slipping further into authoritarianism. Now, to make this exercise easier for you, I’ll go ahead and fill in your response: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not a damn thing. Instead, you and your colleagues have chosen to stand idly by as democracy crumbles, history is rewritten, and a billionaire-funded cult of personality threatens the very foundations of our country. While you and your party cower in fear of your own voters, Democrats (for all their faults) at least don’t bow to their leaders as if they were divine beings. Meanwhile, the MAGA movement has become the most dangerous internal threat the U.S. has ever faced—and you? You are complicit in its rise. So, Senator, consider this your performance review. If Musk’s standards apply to federal employees, surely they apply to you as well. If you cannot provide a satisfactory report of your accomplishments by Monday, then perhaps it’s time to fire you—at the ballot box.