1. United States
2. Letter

Good afternoon! It’s another sunny day in the USA! Why does that matter, you ask? Because it proves the government doesn’t control the weather! After all, if it did, there’d be less sun to magnify the algae bloom situation down there at the Lincoln Memorial, am I right? Haha! Too soon? Mea culpa. Oh wait- that’s right, you don’t like Latin. Is it because it’s too difficult for you to learn? Or because the word “dead” in dead language scares you? Totally understandable, sir. If I were 80 years old with cankles and a nasty diabetes rash, I’d be scared too. But I digress. The real reason I’m writing to you today is because I live in the 7th district in NJ. My congressman is Tom Kean, Jr., who has been missing in action for three months now. He hasn’t shown up for work or checked in with his constituents or cast a vote on the House floor in forever now, and since the United States of America was literally founded on a desire to have a say in government when we PAY a government (I know- tough sentence. Perhaps you’ll recall “no taxation without representation?” Any bells ringing for you?), I’d like to know what you plan on doing tax-wise to compensate this district for its continued payment of taxes in spite of having no appropriate representation? A special election would be lovely. A a special reimbursement dispersement would be excellent, as well. Please let us know at your earliest convenience! Between naps today, perhaps?