Easter message from the White House

To: Rep. Begich, Sen. Murkowski, Sen. Sullivan

From: A verified voter in Anchorage, AK

April 5

This morning, the President of the United States addressed the world thusly: “Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell — JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah.” Please provide me with a written response as to why you support this when your constituents do not. I do not want your usual paragraphs of bullshit designed to deflect and insult. I want a clear answer to one question: *Why* did you abdicate your responsibilities to allow one man to bring the world to its knees? You owe me an explanation.

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