MAGA in 93 Days: Mutiny. Absurdity. Grift. Anarchy.

It’s been 93 days—and somehow, you’ve managed to turn government into reality TV without the ratings, the dignity, or the plot. Let’s run the highlight reel: • Pete Hegseth, your Defense Secretary, leaked classified strike plans on Signal—not just to his brother-in-law, but to journalists. Who needs espionage when you’ve got Pete with a smartphone? • Kristi Noem, who poses for pictures while pointing a gun barrel toward the head of Homeland Security, lost her purse—and with it, secure access materials. Homeland Security? She couldn’t even secure her clutch. • Linda McMahon thinks A.I. is A.1. steak sauce, and she said it with a straight face on the record. • RFK Jr. tapped a non-doctor who chemically castrated autistic kids to lead an autism study—because nothing says “healing” like torture. • Marco Rubio called Estonia “Eastern Australia.” Diplomacy by geography bee. • Pam Bondi launched a hotline for “anti-Christian bias” that’s now manned by drag queens quoting Leviticus. Spoiler: they know it better than she does. • Elon Musk fired half the government’s scientists and nuclear engineers in a stunt—then had to rehire them when he realized what they actually did. • J.D. Vance has broken everything he’s touched, including the College Football National Championship Trophy at the White House. Can’t make this up. • And your Press Secretary lies with such cartoonish confidence that SNL should start sending her royalties. And what are you doing through all this? You’re lying about egg prices and pushing a plan to pay women $5,000 to have babies—while they’ve lost the right to control their own bodies during pregnancy. You take away autonomy, then offer pocket change. But hey, you’ll make sure they’re taught how to get pregnant. Priorities. You promised power, order, greatness. What we got is delusion, dysfunction, and a dollar-store dictatorship wrapped in a Bible you don’t read and a flag you treat like a costume. China is laughing. Our allies are ghosting us. And the American people are watching you burn down the house while posing for photo ops in the ashes. This isn’t strength. It’s sabotage. History isn’t just going to judge you—it’s going to drag you through the mud. Do better. Get better staff. Get honest advisors. Before you take the whole country down with you.