I Guess A ‘Stable Genius’ Doesn’t Mean a Stable Economy

I have to hand it to you—you’ve always told us how smart you are. In your own words, “I’m, like, really smart,” “I went to the best schools,” and let’s not forget, “I’m a great businessman. That’s what I do. I make deals.” And yet, here we are, watching the NYSE sink like a stone, 401(k)s shrink, and now, thanks to your brilliant tariff plan, 1.5 million Americans are about to pay an extra $277,000 a day for Canadian hydroelectric energy. That’s some deal. Since you announced your beautiful tariffs, the S&P 500 has dropped 5.76%, and the NYSE Composite has plummeted 5.4%—wiping out billions in American wealth almost overnight. Job losses are mounting, and by the looks of it, the GSA is conveniently delaying DOGE unemployment filings—perhaps to keep the bad news under wraps for a little longer? Genius move. Nothing says “stable economic leadership” quite like making people suffer in silence. But the real question is, after years of blaming President Biden for everything—inflation, gas prices, eggs, probably even bad weather—who’s going to take the fall for this? Because every single problem we’re seeing now traces directly back to your policies. So, what’s the spin going to be this time? Is Biden secretly controlling the markets with magic? Or is it the deep state? Or—wait—could it be that your own policies are just bad for America? I’d love to hear your thoughts. After all, you’re a “very stable genius,” and I’m sure you’ve got an explanation that will be tremendous for this very “unstable economy” you caused.