Bless His Heart—Trump Wins Bigly; Wars, Immigration, and Economy Be Damned

Well, bless your heart! Amid all the little distractions—the economy spiraling, the Ukraine war intensifying, bombs dropping in Yemen, and your administration illegally deporting green card holders—you still found the time to focus on what truly matters: winning your very own golf tournament at your very own club. I saw your triumphant announcement on Truth Social: “I just won the Golf Club Championship, probably my last, at Trump International Golf Club, in Palm Beach County, Florida. Such a great honor! The Awards dinner is tonight, at the Club. I want to thank the wonderful Golf Staff, and all of the many fantastic golfers, that participated in the event. Such fun!” How incredibly inspiring. While most leaders might be distracted by things like inflation, global conflicts, and a collapsing democracy, you’ve got your priorities straight—perfecting your backswing. Quick question, though—how much did it cost taxpayers to fly you, VP Musk, and little X down for this prestigious event? Did DOGE account for it in the budget, or will Social Security checks be running a little late? And just curious—was the competition as fair as your elections? Or did the other golfers understand that beating you might come with… consequences? Anyway, congrats again! I assume we can all look forward to a special edition, made-in-China MAGA golf hat to mark the occasion. Will it come in Elon Black, or do we have to wait for your next big win for that?