When did State of the Union become open mic night?

Wow! What a show you put on last night! I must say, watching J.D. Vance and Mike Johnson stifle their giggles as you delivered your latest stand-up routine about 100-year-olds and Social Security was truly a moment for the history books. Who knew the State of the Union could double as open mic night? You really had the crowd going—well, at least the part of the crowd that wasn’t busy fact-checking you in real-time. Of course, we all knew that bit about 100-year-olds raking in fraudulent Social Security checks was just another one of your classic tall tales. That old chestnut has been debunked more times than your claims of a "perfect phone call." If there were secret squads of centenarians living it up on Uncle Sam’s dime, surely someone would’ve shown us some actual evidence by now. But hey, who needs facts when you’ve got such impeccable comedic timing? Still, I must commend you. Watching your allies clutch their pearls and try not to laugh like schoolboys in church was worth the price of admission. It’s always a hoot to see who can keep a straight face the longest when the facts go flying out the window along with their self respect. Next time, maybe you could mix in a punchline about all those bird graveyards under windmills that never existed either—just to keep things fresh! Or perhaps a bit about how the revolutionary army stormed the airports in 1776? Now that would be a crowd-pleaser. Anyway, thanks for the entertainment. We’ll all be eagerly awaiting your next performance.