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An Open Letter

To: Sen. Durbin, Sen. Syverson, Rep. Foster, Pres. Trump, Gov. Pritzker, Rep. Keicher, Sen. Duckworth

From: A constituent in Hampshire, IL

August 27

I hereby order the sulfuric mining at Hoskins Mound in Texas be renamed The Trump Sulfuric Spew Site. Further, I order the currently under construction ballroom to be renamed Don’s Harem, and I demand that his various and sundry romantic partners be housed there.

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