1. United States
2. Texas
3. Letter

I hope this letter finds you well, perhaps mid-tweet or mid-golf swing. I’m writing to you as a concerned citizen, a voter, and someone who occasionally enjoys a good laugh—which, I must say, your recent address to Congress on March 4, 2025, provided in spades. Specifically, your reference to a study involving the previous administration had me chuckling: “$8 million for making mice transgender. This is real.” Now, Mr. President, I know you’re a busy man, what with running the country and fending off SNL skits, but I feel compelled to clarify a tiny little mix-up. The study you were likely referring to involves “transgenic mice”, not “transgender mice”. Transgenic mice are genetically modified to carry genes from other species, which helps scientists study diseases like cancer, diabetes, and Alzheimer’s. Transgender mice, on the other hand, are… well, they don’t exist. Unless, of course, you’ve discovered a secret underground lab where mice are attending support groups and updating their pronouns. Let’s be honest, though—this mix-up has been a gift to the internet. Memes, jokes, and late-night monologues have been having a field day. I mean, who knew that your speech would single-handedly revive the career of every comedian on the planet? For that, I suppose we should be grateful. But here’s the thing: while the internet is busy roasting you like a Thanksgiving turkey, the real issue is being overshadowed. Transgenic research is actually important. It’s not about mice wearing tiny dresses or suits (though that would be adorable); it’s about saving lives and advancing medical science. Your propaganda against the trans community, while hilarious on lowering your credibility, risks undermining the credibility of the important work scientists are doing. I have to ask—who briefed you on this? Was it Elon Musk and DOGE trying to pull a fast one on you? Or did someone just hand you a note scribbled on the back of a McDonald’s napkin? Whoever it was, they clearly missed the mark. I mean, mixing up “transgenic” and “transgender” is like confusing a Tesla with a tricycle. Both have wheels, but one is significantly more functional. In all seriousness, Mr. President, your words carry weight. When you say something, people listen—or at least, they meme it. So, perhaps it’s time to tighten up the briefing process. Maybe hire a fact-checker or two. Or, dare I say it, a scientist? Just a thought. Thank you for the laughs, though. Your speech has already inspired what I’m sure will be a legendary SNL skit. I can’t wait to see Kate McKinnon reprise her role as you, holding up a tiny mouse and declaring, “This little guy just came out as non-binary, honest to God, Elon told me so it has to be true!”